It’s not that I HATE New Year’s Resolutions necessarily but rather it’s more accurate to say that I’m really bad at them and because of this, I tend to ignore them. When I have made resolutions in the past, I seem to forget about them fairly quickly. Within a month or two I am back to my same old shenanigans and my resolutions dissolved. In my youth, I would beat myself up about my shortcomings, emotionally flogging myself for my inability to adhere to my conscious being rather than falling into my subconscious default. Others talk about how it took them years to overcome this type of personal abuse and learn to love themselves for who they are. That is not me. It’s not that I am quick to give up on self-abuse but rather that I am too emotional lazy to continue it. Through the years of self-analysis the one thing I have learned about myself is that IF I am a victim to anything I am a victim to inertia. It’s Newton’s First Law for God’s sake! Truly I am just following the physical laws of the universe. It takes too much effort to shame myself into submission than to come to the realization that I am just an average mother/wife/sister/daughter/teacher. The realization is authentic and I am ok with that. Perhaps my greatness comes from my ability to celebrate the average. That being said, my New Year’s Resolutions for 2015 are these.
I resolve to continue on a forward path, a path toward peace. I know I will fall short. I know that I will yell at my kids and call my husband out for being the asshole that I am certain he will be. I know I am bound to my subconscious habits and will return to the behaviors from which I resolve to move away. I will forgive myself for these human limitations and resolve to take time to celebrate the ways in which my humanity connects me to this cosmic pit stop; music, art, friendships, love, sex, good food. My goal is to recognize the gifts that come with my limitations and get back on the horse when I fall off. I will move toward peace.
I resolve to continue to move toward a state of awareness and to be thankful for my MANY blessings. I am fully confident that the purpose of this life is to love and seek the Divine in all experiences and relationships. It is only from a state of awareness that this is possible. May I learn to be present and willing to learn from the unique experience of the moment. Let me be aware of the many opportunities to connect to those around me and learn to be a conduit through which energy can flow. When I fail, may I be aware of the façade of my ego and once again move toward connectedness. May I be more aware tomorrow than I am today.
I give many thanks to those who have traveled this path with me so far, for those who have chosen to and for those who have been forced in my path. May I continue to value your contributions to my life lessons and all the ways you rock my fucking world. I raise a glass to all in my karass, for those with whom I interact daily and those for whom I barely know yet inspire me beyond belief. Thank you for walking with me through this journey. May we continue to connect.